Building Courage

July 21, 2022

Change is scary. Trying new things, taking on the unknown and taking actions we know will help us grow and heal can be hard. Susan Jeffers coined the phrase "feel the fear and do it anyway"*. We have this idea that we should wait until we are no longer afraid before we act. The truth is the fear is not going to go away until we do.

It may sound counterintuitive but we need to act and only then the fear will subside. The reason for this is quite simple. Every time we are confronted with a new experience that takes us out of our comfort zone, we will feel fear, the fear of something new. If we choose to avoid doing what we fear, the fear increases and so we very likely have even more fear the next time something new comes along.

We break this cycle by acting despite our fears. In this way we approach what we fear and in so doing show ourselves that we are okay and that there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place. But how do we do this when fear is such a distressing and uncomfortable emotion?

Here are tips on how to "feel the fear and do it anyway":

1. Break down your goal.

Take on the entire challenge may feel too daunting. Instead, try breaking it down to the smallest most possible action you could take. It needs to feel a little possible but still push you out of your comfort zone. For example, if you are afraid to speak in public but you need this skill in advance in your career you might practice with friends first.

2. Get support.

Have a friend do the activity with you. Having someone to cheer you on, who believes in you can give you the courage you need to take the plunge.

3. Write about times you acted despite your fears.

It is so important to recognise how you have overcome fears in the past. Notice how you good it felt and how far you could go when you felt the fear and acted anyway, knowing you were stepping closer to your own healing and empowerment. What did you learn about yourself? How did you grow? Jot down a few notes for yourself.

The only way to overcome our fears is to face them and the only way to face our fears is to take action in the word. This can feel hard but remember the hardest part is the first time. Once you get into the habit of approaching what you fear it will become easier. The fear might not ever go away but you will know that you can do it anyway and succeed.

by Kim Foster Yardley, M.A. C. Psych.

*from the book Susan Jeffers wrote originally published in 1987 titled Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.