How Self-compassion Can Help High Performance
November 11, 2022
Michael Phelps spoke candidly about his mental health struggles in the Weight of Gold documentary. This is an elite athlete who has done intensive work on developing the mindset necessary for record-breaking performance. He has won 23 Olympic gold medals, three silver and two bronze and currently holds the record for the most medal wins by an Olympic Athlete. In the interview, he said and I quote “Sometimes there’s just this overwhelming feeling that I can’t handle it anymore.” In other words, even high performing successful individuals like Phelps have times of overwhelm and self-doubt.
Performance and competition require you to keep pushing yourself all the time whether it is in the workplace or on a sport field. You train yourself to do incredible things in high pressure situations. This take self-discipline and perseverance. But no matter how successful you are, sometimes this can feel like too much to handle and your confidence takes a hit.
This is where the practice of self-compassion comes in. I often am confronted with the reaction from clients that self-compassion has no place in high performance situations. There is a mistaken idea that if we accept ourselves and show kindness we are being “too easy” on ourselves and somehow in danger of settling for less. But the evidence shows the opposite is true. It is when we are relaxed, focused and confident – when we accept all of who we are - that we can perform at our best. Whereas, in contrast, straining and pushing can have unintended negative effects on our performance and mental health.
Self-compassion is not about painting a rosy picture. Rather, it is an act of courage, kind of like what Michael Phelps was doing by sharing his vulnerability with the world. It is a practice where we take a really honest look at ourselves, strengths and vulnerabilities, the whole of ourselves and we practice being present with all that we are. From this frame of mind, we can be more focused and creative. Ultimately, leading us to a deeper sense of self-confidence and ease.
Self-compassion can feel pretty strange in the beginning, especially if you are used to pushing yourself to get where you want to be. But, think about it. If Michael Phelps can admit that he struggles at times, surely you can too? In that moment, when you offer yourself self-compassion what you are saying is here I am. Just like every other person on the planet I struggle sometimes. How can I offer myself the kindness, compassion and acceptance I need to work through this moment?
Try it and see for yourself the positive impact it can have on your performance.