A Personal Reflection: Shifting Values and Living Intentionally
By: Andrea Montello
I wish I could say this summer was a time of relaxation and fun. The truth is, I was personally challenged more than ever before to use the tools and practices that I support my clients in using. To put it simply, I was working too much and my life felt like it was passing me by. From the perspectives of my colleagues and even my family, I probably appeared to be just fine. But I couldn’t keep it up much longer AND be a kind, well-rounded human. This humbling time led me to understand where I have come from, where I am now, and where I want to go with more clarity and confidence.
Stretching myself has been my “go-to strategy” since I was 14. In high school, I was a competitive dancer and worked 16 hours a week. In University, I worked 1-3 part-time jobs while studying full-time. When I became a teacher and realized it wasn’t for me, I taught full-time while completing my master’s degree. When my first child was born, I began my counselling practicum when our son was just 2 months old, and when I was 7 months pregnant with our daughter, I wrote the 4-hour psychology exam called the EPPP. I feel proud of myself when I look back. It was necessary to hustle. It was a season that required me to propel myself forward to land where I’m at.
It felt disorienting to notice that my trusty “go-to strategy” wasn’t helping me like it used to. My body was no longer responding to a 6pm cup of coffee to fuel work after the kids went to bed. Waking up early to exercise or to prep thoughtful food felt impossible. Every day was a marathon: long, packed with focus and responsibility, and every minute was accounted for. I would be fully engaged at work but would zone out when my daughter was telling me a story. The hours before bedtime felt excruciatingly boring because I didn’t have the capacity to join my kids in playfulness. The more I resisted the fact that I have entered a new season of life that requires different strategies, the more my subtle cues of unwellness were showing up.
It took some moments of pausing and intentional reflection (sometimes with the help of my own therapist) to determine what a rich and meaningful life looks like to me, right now. What do I need to experience every day to be able to show up for myself and others joyfully and whole?
Some things that I determined need to be a consistent part of my life are:
Slow mornings: I find joy in making homemade breakfast for my family. I’m happy to nourish my kids and send them off for the day feeling cozy and loved. I want to walk with my kids to the bus stop and kiss them goodbye, every day.
Time to Create: I love making my home look beautiful. I enjoy making beds, arranging flowers, and designing photo walls for my home. Making a snack tray and setting up a craft for my kids and seeing their faces light up when they get home, lights me up too.
Connection to Others: I need to laugh loudly with my girlfriends. I love road trips and singing to 90’s music and being silly. I need to joke around with my husband and talk about anything but responsibilities.
Connection to Self: I need time every day to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. I need to be connected to my 5 senses while I take in a peaceful moment. I need to move my body and feel physically strong.
I know now that my current season doesn’t call for more hustling. Rather, it’s a time to strengthen the foundation built from past struggle, sweat, and tears. It’s a time to sink into the little moments like a comfy couch. To have the level of presence to be fully engaged in a three-year olds’ story and a 7am hockey game. I bet in time, the season will change, and I’ll be called to focus on how I can support the mental health community more through. My priorities will naturally shift, and what lights me up will too. But for now, I have found wellness in validating what I need now, not what I thought I should be wanting, needing, or doing. This release and refocus energizes me to keep up the client work that I love and cherish.
So, I invite you to consider what is your current life season calling for now? What do you need to experience consistently to be able to show up to your challenges with engagement and wellness? What might be restructured to support this?
Wishing you a beautiful season ahead with moments of joy that light you up.
Andrea
Registered Psychologist:
EMDR, ACT, Client-Centred
Performance Interests:
I was a competitive dancer from age 8-18, competing and performing across the U.S. I did contemporary, ballet, tap, and hip hop. I also became a certified lifeguard at age 18 which involved timed swims and lifesaving maneuvers. I enjoy yoga, home design and gardening when I have time.
I have worked with high performing executives, coaches, firefighters, swimmers, gymnasts, basketball players, hockey players, and rowers. I enjoy getting to know the intricacies of their crafts and their individual psychological experiences to guide them in achieving calm, focus, and confidence in what they do.
